welcome to limbo
this is a very weird state of being.
i finished all my exams a couple of weeks back (ie. my HSC for those of u who know what that is)and now i have to wait for my results.
i've had my formal (prom), had a week at the beach with my friends, and now am working part time at a local bookshop.
and it's very odd. no school, almost no obligations outside home, and really nothing to do but wait. one big countdown until december 17th.
i hate the feeling of powerlessness, i hate the suspense, i hate the need to plan all my uni stuff when i'm still waiting to find out the basic information i need to do said planning, and most of all i hate the feeble, uninsistent nature of all of the above feelings. they're not overwhelming sensations, they're just there, a little niggling but not powerful enough to be even remotely interesting.
the weeks already feel monotonal. instead of seeing the same few hundred people every day, i see hundreds of strangers and feel like one myself. it's incredibly depressing, the drop-in-a-bucket feelings. out of all my friends i've only talked to a handful since the formal; two that i work with, a couple who have dropped in to see me at work (notice a pattern here?) and one who's online a lot on my days off. i'm already realising how many of my former classmates i'm never going to see again after speech night, and also that i have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life from here on in. all this uncertainty is completely new to me. it's uncertainty, not freedom; because i don't feel like i have any control over what i do.
i'm not usually all angsty like this, but the finishing-school thing has me weirded out. what a nice way to begin a new blog.
and i'm not going to do a whole introduction thing. if any randoms do end up reading this (not just lukas, who is the only other person i know with a blog), you'll find out about me as we go along. provided i can actually stick with this thing...i have the interest span of a five year old.
current music: the new year - death cab for cutie
i finished all my exams a couple of weeks back (ie. my HSC for those of u who know what that is)and now i have to wait for my results.
i've had my formal (prom), had a week at the beach with my friends, and now am working part time at a local bookshop.
and it's very odd. no school, almost no obligations outside home, and really nothing to do but wait. one big countdown until december 17th.
i hate the feeling of powerlessness, i hate the suspense, i hate the need to plan all my uni stuff when i'm still waiting to find out the basic information i need to do said planning, and most of all i hate the feeble, uninsistent nature of all of the above feelings. they're not overwhelming sensations, they're just there, a little niggling but not powerful enough to be even remotely interesting.
the weeks already feel monotonal. instead of seeing the same few hundred people every day, i see hundreds of strangers and feel like one myself. it's incredibly depressing, the drop-in-a-bucket feelings. out of all my friends i've only talked to a handful since the formal; two that i work with, a couple who have dropped in to see me at work (notice a pattern here?) and one who's online a lot on my days off. i'm already realising how many of my former classmates i'm never going to see again after speech night, and also that i have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life from here on in. all this uncertainty is completely new to me. it's uncertainty, not freedom; because i don't feel like i have any control over what i do.
i'm not usually all angsty like this, but the finishing-school thing has me weirded out. what a nice way to begin a new blog.
and i'm not going to do a whole introduction thing. if any randoms do end up reading this (not just lukas, who is the only other person i know with a blog), you'll find out about me as we go along. provided i can actually stick with this thing...i have the interest span of a five year old.
current music: the new year - death cab for cutie
decreed by cait (still queen) | 9:37 am
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